I’m more.

Hello blog, it’s been a long time seeing ya.

I was just listening to Boyce Avenue’s cover of Five for Fighting’s “Superman”. Now, this song just gets me. The first time I heard it I was in tears. I feel like that is the national anthem of my life, for no one really knows who I really am. I think no one ever really knows what another person is actually like inside.

You could be a parent/sibling/friend/lover to someone, and still not know who they really are and what they are going through. Sometimes all the beautiful, bright colors tend to turn grey and nothing really seems exciting anymore. You can still see the art, but the beauty has fade away. Sad, is it not?

Another one, Milow’s ”Born in the Eighties” (though I was born in the nineties). Most people will probably relate to that one, a bit more than ‘”Superman”. Why? It is about control, it is about the important stages in everyone’s life. Growing up, moving out, falling in life, making tough decisions and more importantly: not having control.



Control…


I most certainly am not in control, to say the least. Giving up is easy, you know. Sometimes you just want to give up. I am sick and tired of not being in control, not knowing what’s going to happen next, what move I shall make. I want to give up so badly. But even more than that, I want to live. My will to live is stronger than to give up, so therefore my choice is obvious, though it may not always seem like it. 

I am no professional, nor am I a psychologist. I just write what comes to mind. It may sound wise, it may sound foolish. I am only 18, yet I feel so old…am I the only one, I wonder?
Everything’s weird, everything is new, but it is all old and the same. I have no clue what I want and what my next step will be, I just want to live. I do not want to be time-bounded. 

That’s where my heart needs to be, a place where time does not exist. A day is just a day, but it does not exist on the calendar. The time is the same, but there are no such things as time-tellers. I want to be in a place where humans have not adapted. That is freedom.

I want freedom.


Thank you, my dearest blog, for being there for me when only my words seem to be able to function.

 

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